Monday, September 03, 2012

Ten years of togetherness....


Sitting on her cute plastic chair, Arabhi was watching “Ek Tha Jungle” on Disney channel, when my wife Ashwini was putting every effort in persuading her to eat Chocos. Her every day chores typically begins in the same way getting her up early in the morning, convincing her to brush teeth, eat cereals, drink milk, dress her up to take her to the bus stop before she herself could leave for college almost at the same time. Just the previous night, the 6 year old’s continuous cough at regular intervals made her awake throughout, diligently taking care of the little one. Every time my daughter coughed, she made sure she warms the medicated water in the microwave, swinging her on her lap to change the angle of her supine position to reduce the intensity of cough. To add to this strain, she also prepares herself taking up the responsibility voluntarily to train her for the forthcoming competitions.


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It was around 10 years back, when she used to get up at her own time table taking the Express bus at Akashavani bus stop, Brahmavar, just a few miles away from Udupi that took her to Suratkal on National Highway 17. She had grown up all her life in the world of innocence in that small village, Handadi walking everyday to the school in a small town, from their ancestral house. She and her younger sister grew up in a family along with their parents, when her traditional and strict grand parents were the head of the family with a major stake in decision making. All her childhood, she grew up watching her naive mother punctually doing her non-stop daily routinesin that small village. Disciplined girl was going to the Veena and vocal classes in Mukunda krupa, Udupi when her sister was learning Mridangam to accompany her in all respects. The dynamic duo who lived next to my grandparent’s house, never realized that they were quite popular in their town. 

After completing the Electrical Engineering in MIT in the year 2000, not keen to move out of her comfortable parent’s house at Brahmavar, 12 kms from Udupi, she had joined in as a Lecturer in the Regional Engg. College, Suratkal a few miles from her house. Along with her classes for the first semester of Electrical and Electronics branch, she continued her Vidwath practice for Veena enjoying the homely delicious food – Patrode, Kadabu, Goli baje, and those tender coconuts grown in their house, on the banks of river Sita. Though a few guys from her bus continuously followed her footsteps and maintained a constant update about her daily routine, the fair young girl never noticed or even realized that she was in those guy’s sharp radars. Her father, Lecturer by profession, who also practiced Homoeopathy in the neighboring town, Barkur had a wide range of collection of horoscopes and photos of many bachelors for his daughter as soon as she completed her degree; 


One was an Asst. Professor at NITTE engg. College who commuted in the same bus that Ashwini did; Couple of her distant Software engineer relatives from the US and UK had visited her place during their India trip for Uppit Kesaribath sessions; Among them, one was a Master in Science at Florida State University who wanted to take up his MBA degree. Her lab assistants in the college once had remarked, “Madam, you look like actress Prema or may be Priyanka Gandhi. I know of a handsome Doctor, also from your Shivalli community and I can provide the contacts to your father”. One of her father’s close friends during their casual visit to their house was extremely delighted to find her playing “Sudha mahi Sudha Nidhi” on Veena had called them if they were interested in an alliance. Another couple had shown interest in her, but as guy from the US didn’t get the vacation right time, things didn’t corroborate further. She happily continued to take classes for the first Semester students, check internet for e-mail communication with her college friends during break to have fruit juice at the 4th floor Samudra Darshan canteen at Suratkal.  

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It was probably the same time I was busy in Memphis with the implementation of Fifth Third Bank’s credit card Settlement process. In the chill cold winter of Nov 2001, our team of 5 had gone out for lunch for my birthday. Three members of our team, Doris, me and Jennifer celebrated on consecutive days of 3rd week of November. On our way back from the Huey’s restaurant, Debra asked me if I had a girl friend. Confused I looked at her as I didn’t expect that question. Not realizing that, somebody is treated as a waste body for not having a girl friend in that part of the world, I sincerely replied, “No Debra, I don’t have..” I didn’t know that not having a partner at the Prom party was a testimony to one’s failure in teen life. My request to my parents to look for a musician girl rather wasn’t too easy for them “Where should we find an educated and musician girl in our community?” Some told my parents, girl is very much interested in music, thought she’s not a musician. Come on mother, how will you prove that? I questioned her.. I knew that the only way she could tolerate me was thru music. 


It was Jan 1st 2002, when my grandfather with whom I was very close passed away. Along with my roommates, Chandru, Shashi and Raja, I had gone to Beale Street to witness 2002 New Year in the coldest day of the winter wearing sandals, looking at the strangers kissing each other welcoming the new year, when I received the information of my grand dad. Ashwini being the neighbor of my grand parents in Brahmavar, attended the ceremony, when my sisters noticed the simple traditional girl in her. It was my uncle who then told my parents that she was working as Lecturer in an Engg. College and also plays the instrument Veena. What??? Did you say “Veena”???? My sisters soon expanded their ears and in next couple of days, my photo and horoscope added to Ashwini’s database. Soon after my Florida visit during Martin Luther King’s day in mid-Jan 2002, I was preparing for a concert in Chicago and Republic day, when my parents informed about her in my weekly scheduled calls. Soon my brother in law scanned and sent her picture, and asked me to call and talk to them. Well, this is how it started,, probably the simplest way anyone can think of. When I spoke to the Lecturer I found her to be extremely sweet, simple and silent girl (though later it proved to be wrong ;)) and we got engaged the same month though we were physically present in different continents. Amidst the fear Ashwini or her family members had about me, the ceremony took place at their residence without my presence. 

Having bought a TASCAM multi track recorder from ‘MARS audio’, I had started having fun recording of Ghama Ghama and Vaishnava Janatho by downloading Fruity loops software. I sent many of my pictures, songs in a cassette and card thru USPS which she has carefully preserved even today. The simple girl from a small town, who hardly has gone out of Udupi district, also sent some of hers to my Adams apt on Jefferson Road in Memphis. During this time, I had just applied for my visa extension as it was about to get expired and the story began from here. Just after a few days, in April my professional life took to a new twist when the contract with our client didn’t renew the way it traditionally did, which could have resulted in some of us returning back to the Offsite office at Koramangala, Bangalore. For a long time I was looking forward to return back to join my missing parents and musician friends, till I got engaged. Now I wanted to stay for more time, get married and return back with her to the States and spend time with her…Bingo….guess what? My client offered some of us to join them. Wow..… What more I can expect… I then started dreaming for the day of visiting India to meet her. 


My wedding date got finalized as Aug 26th after the successful horoscope matching procedures and all those astrological computations. But without obtaining the Visa extension, I could have only visited India, but not return back to states. So, I started waiting for the extension, by checking the status in the Immigration website and the Houston center just to listen to the same automated message without any development. Ashwini as well as her parents started really getting worried about my dilly dally status, though I wasn’t in a position to project the severity of my uncertainty. Well, I requested the HR of my client not to delay applying for the visa and explained my marriage complications etc. But they couldn’t have done anything as they had tons of pending formalities right from showing the equivalent US degree, Labor laws, company policies, new attorneys etc. I started frequently visiting immihelp.com submitting my queries to finally understand that I was eligible to apply for the premium processing paying $1500 extra. In spite of that, my tension didn’t reduce as it needed to go thru the attorneys of my company and the overall process delayed in every corner. My friend, Mike Walker was always quick to react in our regular 2 pm breaks, “I seriously warned you man, look, thinking of getting married it self has created problems for you…imagine what after you get married”. Well, I felt it was a joke that time... :) Everyday, my follow up’s with the HR, Charlotte and attorneys became part of my daily menu card along with my regular production support issues related to Banking ACH process and on call mid night support calls for all those financially critical batch jobs. I needed to get the approval before the mid of Aug, as I had already booked the tickets to India without visa extension. The visa uncertainty also limited the airlines options available as it required special Shanghain visa permit to pass thru some of the European countries. From late July, I started getting real tensed about my status and requested the HR for initiating premium processing in order as an exception as that was the only option I had and  I finally moved to a new apartment complex in Cordova. I exactly had 15 business days between the date of application and my date of travel and started counting days, hours and minutes.. Just a day before my travel on Aug 15th, attorneys informed me of receiving the approval notice and the joy I experienced was unmatchable to anything after all that 5 months struggle and drama. I left Memphis International airport on that rainy day of 16th August after seeking blessings from Prabhakar uncle and aunty. 


Just a week left for my wedding and I still hadn’t met her, dying to have her first darshan. The same day with so much of excitement that I have been waiting for the day for months left for Udupi to my grand father’s place. I still remember the first time I entered their house along with my uncle who accompanied me. After so many hours of phone calls, so many yahoo messenger chats and e-mails, and looking at the pics she sent, finally we met each other for the first time getting ready to live together for life. Oh my god… Is this real??? The next 2 and half weeks just went like minutes. Wedding on Aug 26th, followed by a few round trips between Bangalore and Udupi, get marriage certificate, visit TTSservice to apply for our visa stamping and again for Visa to arrive in next 10 days to be able to fly by scheduled Northwest airlines on Sept 11, 2002. Ganesha Festival, Labor day holiday made the chances of getting visa on time even slimmer and it was time for yet another Lord Ganesha prayers. Believe it or not,, It was yet another victory clinching on the last ball when we received the stamped visa on the scheduled morning of travel. After a day long journey crossing oceans, it was finally my friend Dinesh and Prabhakar Uncle who were waiting in the airport for our arrival.

When she reached Memphis, the village girl hadn’t realized what was waiting for her next and how tough her next journey was with my friends, contacts and activities in Memphis. Within a few days, she had no choice but to adjust to my lifestyle and temperature, as well as enhance her cooking skills in the new WAL-MART grocery shopping world. Her long time companion and instrument Veena who had accompanied along with us from Bangalore-Mumbai-Amsterdam-Memphis was the one with whom to share her happiness by playing ragas of various moods apart from calling her parents once a week. 

The next four years were series of another set of dreams – buying  $1400 Yamaha PSR-2100 keyboard, support in setting up the recording studio, her in-laws and parents visit, visits to Las Vegas and Florida, Taranga Kannada Sangha involvement, association with India Association of Memphis, release of music CD’s, Arabhi’s arrival and the final good bye.. We finally left Memphis to join my parents in India after making friends leaving behind many memories, when my other Indian based colleagues and friends had already deep-rooted to the comfort American living.

It’s been more than five years now…Feels like a good long dream after coming back to the real world… While we prepare and struggle ourselves to get opportunities for our musical endeavors, we also need to make sure our 6 year old gets enough of our time. No doubt, it is always a wife’s significant contribution in the success of a child or husband making many compromises in her life. Her lifestyle changes so much adjusting to her husband, her child, her husband’s parents, her parents, siblings, work and career etc..Amidst her PhD preparations, she is readily available to support me playing with the band when there is a requirement and compete with my other band members to cope up the speed. At the same time she needs to prepare her daughter for the competitions and take her anywhere for her regular dance practice sessions as she is our future. She also has time to allow me to get involved in tons of activities. What a commitment in her life for her surrounding near and dear ones. She once had a unique husky voice that added to the melody of my daily musical journey. 


Now the same voice is completely at stake with a result of vocal abuse and continuous stress undergoing surgeries and therapies. She wanted me to record Vishnu Sahasra nama so her daughter could learn them by playing the same every night before going for sleep. Well, I hardly recorded 20 Shlokas; thanks to my other priority assignments and projects, and was never able to complete it. However her determination took her beyond anything by recording the entire 100 shlokas with her broken strained voice keeping it ready for her daughter before I could continue. What an amazing creature “mother” is? Hats off dear!!! 

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The same girl who wanted her mother to wake her up in the morning to take the Kundapur- Mangalore express bus smoothly transformed into a supporting wife keeping aside her interests and now playing the role of world’s best creature “mother” ignoring her own health. Friends whom we think are forever, come and go as per the role they have to play at that point of time. Parents, who make us what we are, also will stay closer till a stage as their role is also designed in such a way. But it is spouse who is always next to you, when you are happy or sad however you are as their role is longer than anyone else in our journeys. Every one of us will have the similar experience I’m sure and that’s how even after years of stay together with any differences we would have, we will still love each other and look forward for many more years of togetherness.